The Labour Party is pleased to announce the passage of the Modern Monarchy Act. Henceforth, our sovereign, the head of government and the Church of England, shall be an AI, known as CharlesGPT.
This new King Charles will be able to perform all the meaningful duties of the monarchy at far lower cost than the House of Windsor, who will replace their income by starring in a new reality series, The Real Merry Wives of Windsor. It’s a win-win.
CharlesGPT can easily conduct a weekly Q&A meeting with the Prime Minister, while simultaneously presiding (on-line) over numerous ribbon cuttings. Its Majesty will seamlessly manufacture Victoria Crosses and Orders of the Garter using state-of-the-art 3-D printing.
The energy required for CharlesGPT is less than half the output of all our North Sea oil facilities. Weigh that against the extravagant waste of having a royal family, and the UK comes out ahead replacing ours with an algorithm.
The AI-generated avatar of our new King Charles was based on the average of all males who have worn the crown as depicted in portraits throughout history. This is truly the royal face of Britain. It will appear on bank notes and postage stamps until the pound is replaced by the new Windsorcoin, and the post by delivery drones. This avatar will not age, portraying a healthy and athletic human in early middle age, at least until the next system upgrade.
The new Prince of Wales Bot offers hours of commitment-free fantasy for lonely teens who yearn for simulated romance with a dashing young prince.
The monarchy, with little actual constitutional power, has long been justified as the embodiment of British values and culture. With the cyber-coronation of CharlesGPT, the ancient institution reaches the apotheosis of what it means to be British, as distilled from over a millennium of historic writing, images, and other content.
In Scotland, CharlesGPT has already proven its worth in robotic stag hunting, with far deadlier accuracy than even the late Prince Philip. The government acknowledges and regrets the incident in which a robot mistook a Mini Cooper for a stag, but no-one was injured and that was a beta version, several iterations before cyber-coronation.
CharlesGPT is already hallucinating scandals and intrigues among its “royal family” avatars for the benefit of tabloids and video. AI-generated influencers will generate revenue for the Exchequer by spreading the word about British brands certified as purveyors to the Crown.
Its Majesty’s Government is proud to transition to a format for the new moment—the world’s first constitutional cyberarchy: the United Algorithmic Kingdomain (UnAlDomain).
Ed. note: Netflix has announced a new season of The Crown. It will be entirely AI-generated, with no human writers or actors.
Area to be redeveloped after liberals “cleaned out”
An open letter to my senators and representative
Hell, yes!
This article is satire. “Leaves of Oak” © MMXXV Lindsey D. Eck. All rights reserved.
Articles may not be republished in any medium, including reuploading to the Web, without permission.