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14 August 2007
Paté de Foie Gitmo

A modest proposal

The U.S. Army, an institution that continues to draw broad public respect, assures us there is nothing cruel about force-feeding Guantánamo prisoners on hunger strikes. As with much of what goes on at Gitmo, America is mostly supportive or indifferent.

Meanwhile, as a society, we have come out against force-feeding geese and ducks to produce foie gras. The process is similar: In both cases a tube is used to force sustenance down the esophagus. In the case of the fowl, it’s merely used to pump food down their mouths. For the Gitmo detainees, it’s a good deal more invasive, as the tube is forced through the nose. Still, as a society, we condemn the force-feeding of birds but not prisoners from Islamic countries.

The conclusion is inescapable: Prisoners at Guantánamo are lower on the food chain than ducks and geese. Perhaps they are more like oysters or mussels, creatures that some otherwise vegetarian people will eat because they “don’t have a face.”

And, for sure, in American media the prisoners from Islamic countries really don’t have a face. They’re seldom photographed but when we do see them they either have a black hood over their heads (when they’re being transported) or some other kind of cloth bag (as at Abu Ghraib, hooked up to wires or fed to dogs).

Though several states have banned the production of foie gras on the grounds that force-feeding birds is cruel, there is still a large demand for the fatty delicacy in upscale restaurants. To me, the solution is obvious: Let’s slaughter the force-fed Guantánamo prisoners, remove their livers, and supply the needs of the world’s gourmets.

Let the bleeding hearts prattle on about human rights. Our hallowed armed forces have already assured us that Guantánamo prisoners aren’t entitled to the protections offered to ducks and geese, and even Army doctors concur. Of course, making them “free-ranging” Muslims is out of the question. Since the U.S. apparently has no intention of closing down Guantánamo, ever, let’s make it into a profit center. Everything else about the so-called War on Terror has been one big losing struggle. Here, at last, is the possibility of win-win.

Turn over another new leaf:
8 March 2007
Giuliani Time

Maybe hardcore Republicans like him because they think he’s anti-black like them.

23 December 2006
Free Charlie Rose!

Give generously or you’ll never see him again.

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